I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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