Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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