i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My dick has a subreddit
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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