you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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