I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
