i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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