what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
