Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize