"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize