I must be too annoying 4 u.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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