so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
