apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
