god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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