who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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