mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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