just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
