like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
