..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
