You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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