there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
