you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
