the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
