High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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