It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
