Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
