summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
