I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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