Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
