after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
