I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
