the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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