I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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