Pants 0. Shit 1.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize