who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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