Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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