I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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