just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
