I think I won the penis lottery.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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