God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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