I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
