I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
