I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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