Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
