mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
