Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize