I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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