You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
