She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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