I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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