I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
