Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
