Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
