I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize