She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
