it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
