I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
