fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
