Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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