I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
