You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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