i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
