She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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