proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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