I checked into jail on foursquare
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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