If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
