Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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