tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
